Ready to ring in the New Year

Generally I'm never much for New Years save for the party and seeing all my friends. Typically I'm rather pessimistic and see it as another year to get older, broker, and more cynical. As much as I can spout optimism to those who expect/need to hear it I'm generally rather pessimistic surprisingly enough.

This year however I'm feeling a change of heart. This year I was overly excited to come home and celebrate Christmas. I've always loved Christmas, don't get me wrong; but the last several years I've just seen Christmas as a hassle to get gifts, wrap them, pull out holiday spirit, blah blah blah. However, going shopping this year didn't feel like a hassle. I wanted to go shopping. I had small ideas for everyone and then while I was out I'd stumble on something that worked perfectly. I had shopping done early and was excited to have everyone open their gifts. The drive home I was ready to be at the house, in my bed, snuggling with my dog, and all the comforts of home. Even the traditional shopping on Christmas Eve trip with dad really wasn't as painful as I gave him all the flack for (mostly based off his driving illogical planning).

Now I'm ready the New Year.

Very Ready.

2009 has been an interesting year. I've spent half the year in a relationship, the last half being single. I've lived in dorms, at home, and now I'm living in my own apt paying rent and bills. I've lived with 1 other suitemate, my family, and now up to 3 other roommates male and female. I've turned 21 and become legal in all aspects of my age. I've lost a car to flood waters. I've spent time with friends I feel like I've known my whole life and made more friends that I feel like I've known for more than a scant year. I've grown and changed a lot.

While that's a mixed and somewhat neutral list, it's been a rather stressful year. It's been a lot of little things that end up building up to some sort of bigger emotional explosion. I'm a crier by nature so this year has equaled a lot of tears. I hate crying because once I start crying I feel worse than I did before I lost it. It's a pretty ugly cycle really.

I'm just ready for a new year to start over completely.

2010. Something new.

In 2010 I'm ready to learn about myself. Particularly my single self. I've been in a relationship for the majority of my college career so to be single 3 and a half years later is just mind boggling. I thought I'd started to figure out who I was, but I realize now that was who I was as a person in a relationship. Now I've got refigure out single Meggan since this Meggan is highly different from the single Meggan in high school.

In 2010 I'm ready to build my self confidence higher than ever. I'm almost 22 years old and I've only within the last few months recognized myself as someone who could be viewed as pretty. I've never thought of myself as that person because I didn't ever believe I was. Maybe it's a side effect of this single thing, but I'm more comfortable with myself than I've ever been. I feel like I'm worth it. And damnit I plan on always feeling that way about myself.

In 2010 I'm ready to take better care of myself. Emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. I'm reminding myself to sluff off the little things and take things more at face value. When things change or don't go as planned I'm working on finding what's most important in the situation to salvage it and make the situation worth it. This year will be brighter.

I'm ready for 2010. I sure as hell hope it's ready for me because I'm coming at it like a bat outta hell and I'm ready to take over.

Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure. - Rachel Naomi Remen