Is she still there?

Well I have certainly neglected this blog for quite some time. The last post being in October? Jeeeze.

So where to begin?

First of all the semester is finally drawing to a close. This week is particularly awful with the sheer size of the projects I have due (since I'm using updating this as a temporary relief from working on the media law paper I have due tomorrow). I guess that's what happens when you attempt 18 credit hours in one semester. A feat I've never before attempted and I'm hoping I've survived. We'll see in about 2 weeks after exams.

Let's see...oh I'm working on applying for several different internships. I'll take just about anything right now. The one I'd really love to get is the internship with Spoleto. First off, it's world renowned. Second, it involves theater. Third, I'd still get a summer. If not well there's not much I can do about that! I'm also just starting to look into a few for the fall, but that will be more heavily researched after exams are over.

I'm not graduating in the spring. Very annoying happening. I have one class left. Let your imaginations over my frustrations abound.

Currently playing it single again. I got royally and surprisingly dumped. Very unexpected and out of the blue. Getting blindsided like that hurts more than I could express on here when you find out that you were the one who cared too much all along. It's okay I've realized even more (isn't that just the kicker that we all have to bring up after every break up) about what I want out of a relationship. Specifically someone who is not scared of commitment. Someone who doesn't have to convinced that being even the tiniest bit romantic is in fact okay. Someone who can separate work time and alone time. Someone who wants to bring me around their friends (Jesus you think that one wouldn't have to be listed). Amongst many other things these are just some of the "revelations."

Still working the wonderful world of food and bev. And hating the tourists for every minute of it. After school is out I think I need to take a serious week to myself off because my fuse for them is getting shorter by the day. I do however have a group of servers I enjoy being around more so than I have in past years.

I am going to make it a goal to update this more often. I keep thinking about things I'd love to put on here and then those ideas keep getting lost in other work I have to get done. So I'll work on being better this summer. I used to be so good about writing when ujournal and those sites were still up (still pretty upset that they disappeared along with my old blog). Oh well. I will work to be better about writing like I used to be. I might put up the newsletter assignment I have due later this week because I think it should turn out to be quite hilarious.

I have the conviction that excessive literary production is a social offence.
- George Eliot

Hello wide world

So I've neglected this thing quite a bit. Oh the busy last semesters of college.

Currently I'm stage managing a play called The Physicists by Friedrich Dürrenmatt. It's been a fun run. We open on Wednesday (11/3), thank God. I love my actors but I'm literally exhausted by them too. It should be a good show, but I'm going to hold my reservations till I see the damages done by their Halloween weekend extravaganzas.

Speaking of Halloween I'm rather excited for this years. I'm going as a she devil and as Flo from the the Progressive commercials. I decided a comfy Halloween is what I prefer this year.

I have a boy to drag with me to Halloween this year. Very out of place having a new relationship at this time of the year. But I'm enjoying our time together. He's good at dealing with my crazy. My real crazy. Esp late nights where I haven't eaten all day kinda nights and have no AC in my house kinda crazy. He's def gonna stick around for a while (I hope at least!).

Erm, I feel like this is a terribly lame post, but I'm too tired to come up with anything exciting. I'll find you something fun to read....

The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.- Tom Bodett

Connecting the Dots

So today I was driving. No big deal right. After 7 years it's pretty easy right? Put on your seat belt, start the engine, put the car into drive, let off the brake, hit the gas, and go. All of this is second nature to us now. It's like walking, chewing, jumping, swimming, and all the other things we learn in our lives that you don't really pause to think about after you've learned them.

Maybe it's the heat and humidity in Charleston getting to me but it makes me wonder why don't think of this as more amazing. We're all too young when we learn to walk to remember the process. Certainly we all shared bruises and scrapped knees during the process, but now we just put one foot in front of the other and think nothing of it.

Most people can prob remember learning to ride a bike. I remember the roads I was on with one of my parents holding the back of seat on my bike while I tried to gain my balance so I could let go. I remember the freedom of getting around once I could ride without training wheels. Of course when you're that young staying out after dark is liberating enough, but you know what I mean.

Now, while riding a bike is still second nature (I might've lost some of the immediate balance when I got back on it 10 years later...), it doesn't have the same thrill. The feeling of success has taken a back burner to the notion my mind has that "I know how to do this, what's next?" A bike now is the thing I hop on 5 minutes before class and speed down the street hoping to find a moderatly empty bike rack.

I guess I'm just amazed at what human beings can learn to do so easily to the point that it is second nature. Again, heat and humidity contributing to my dehydration has much to do with this, but it's still interesting. I guess.



I feel like I had more of a point to this when I started contemplating this in the car...oh well. Here it is.

The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.- Jim Rohn

New Holes, New Thoughts, New Chapter

So this semester got a little more hectic that I would've expected. What with the whole mono thing that was only to be expected. However, the semester is over and after two exams I'll be a free woman for the summer. HOLLA!

Yesterday, in celebration of the end of the year (a day later than everyone else since I had to work a double on reading day) my darling friend Meg and I went and got new piercings. We both got our Tragus pierced (not my ear btw). I went first due to my horrible fear of needles and boy am I glad I did. This frightening fish hook of a needle is what they used to pierce my ear. Not what I wanted to see when they did Meg's but I sure am glad I saw it after mine was done.

The acctual piercing itself wasn't too bad. For me it was just warm once the needle went through from it being in the sanitizer till right before the piercing (I'm very defiant that I don't need to see what you're sticking me with, I just wanna see the jewelry). Meg's reaction was slightly different involving a few dozen swear words and some very minor bleeding. But at the end of the day we're both pretty happy with what we got.

After I parted from Meg and her roommate Ashley who joined us for this adventure at Cupcake I headed home and starting thinking about my love of piercings. This piercing makes my ninth one. Two holes in both lobes, two in my upper cartiledge on the right, forward helix on the right, nose, and now my tragus on the left. There has generally been at least year between each piercing to give me time to really think about what I may or may not get next. I love all of my piercings. I don't wear all of them all the time because the effect is a little overwhelming sometimes but for now I wear everything often enough that they don't close up. But the question is why do I love piercings over tattoos or other body modifications?

Life is too full of change for me to want anything as permanant as a tattoo. Don't get me wrong, if I ever jumped the gun and got one I know exactly what I would get, but that's just not something I'm interested in. Plus the whole needles being jabbed into your skin 100s of times a minute isn't apppealing to me. The only thing in my life that I'll ever want to be as permanant as a tattoo will be the future hubby years down the road. Piercings don't hold the forever stigma with them. Yeah some people will look at you differently for having them but that's their perogitive. With piercings, when I reach "the real world" I can take them out and move on with my life. I won't have to worry about cover up or removal by lasers or any crazy shit like that. For now it's a fun way to express myself without going over board.

This is also the first piercing I've gotten while single in over 4 years. That might sound random and not connected at all, but it's like a new chapter. I'm not tied to anyone so the only person I care to ask an opinion on about getting a new piercing is myself. Not that any significant other in the past has has problems with piercings but it's one less person to ask. Now that we're moving into summer I'm looking at my first single summer in a few years as well. I think I'd like this care free summer before I think about moving into anytning else. Ignore anything I may have said before. I don't need to rush into anything yet. I think a full year of being single will be good for me. I've learned a lot about myself this year, and I still have more to learn before I commit to anything else. After two long back to back relationships I need to rediscover myself before I discover anyone else.

So I'm starting to ramble a little bit. Guess that means I'm gonna wrap this one up. But I will certainly work on keeping up with this better over the summer. I think...O:-)

I've continued to recognize the power individuals have to change virtually anything and everything in their lives in an instant. I've learned that the resources we need to turn our dreams into reality are within us, merely waiting for the day when we decide to wake up and claim our birthright.- Anthony Robbins

Can I have more steriods please?

So it finally hit me, that darling little disease called mono.

Wonderful.

Now while I'm going to enjoy having extra time off of work and the abitlity to "relax" a lot more, I am quite ready for my tonsils to stop touching the the golf ball sized lymphnodes on my neck to go away. I'd also like to not look like a yellow-eyed creeper anymore. (Thanks for working so hard liver, but the side effects are super creepy)

Mono, the best birthday present ever! Also, I'm apparently not ever supposed to have a raging crazy birthday because we were going to make up for 21 this year since it was majorly low key last year. This year I got to spend my birthday in the fetal position because it was orginally thought that I didn't have mono so I was given amoxicillin....BAD NEWS BEARS! No good news will ever come of antibiotics and mono together. They aren't friends. Fastest and most painful diet ever? Yes.

Los padres did come to visit me for the day today. Since I'm finally able to eat food again (seriously, mono hate antibiotics) they took me to lunch to make up for my birthday and then took me grocery shopping which was awesome because I'm really tired of take out food. Plus it's just nice to have your parents take care of you when you feel like you've been run over by a truck.

the steriods to get the swelling in my throat down run out monday. i'm going to be a very sad panda when that happens because they are working wonderfully right now. cough drops just aren't cutting it in the time between doses either. boooooo

I apologize for this being a little ranty/scattered. I'm sick, so shoot me lol. I just want to feel awake and human like again.

The modern sympathy with invalids is morbid. Illness of any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged in others.
-Oscar Wilde

Hello from a Zombie

It's Saturday night. I'm sitting at home working on homework that is due Monday in the hopes that one of my friends will still be able to com visit tomorrow night. I just looked up in the mirror for a minute and I swear I just saw Zombie. Except...the pale faced, black-bags-under-the-eyes person staring back at me was, well, me.

Oh the college life and lack of sleep. Awesome. Now back to trying to learn the 200 pages of AP Style for Mass Media. Just had to laugh at myself for jumping at my own reflection.

Everything changes but change itself. Everything flows and nothing remains the same...You cannot step twice into the same river, for other waters and yet others go flowing ever on. - Heraclitus

The girl with Curves

If you've ever seen a picture of me, you might have noticed two things about about me. I call them thing one and thing two - my big 'ol honkin' boobs. These giantic monsters have been with me since I was in late elem school/early middle school. Yes, they're 100% real and mostly exist due to the genetics on both sides of my family.

Now, why do I start this post talking about my breasts? Well I've been thinking a lot about my physical appearance recently, specifically after the new year. One of the things I promised myself (after promising to follow these resolutions since I broke the 5 year resolution of not making resolutions) was that was I was going to take better care of my physical self this year.

Now, I'm not talking about trying to mold myself into any kind of creepy-skinny-never-eats-enough kinda girl. Just treating my body better and doing things to take care of it. So I've started small so I can make sure I'll build upon this goal. I've continued with something I'd started a while back - portion control - and tried to throw in some more health consious foods. I also have continued the tradition of not denying myself things I'm craving. I won't gorge myself on any of it but I will eat what my body wants within reason.

Recently I've started walking. This trend didn't start as a I have to get healthy sorta craze. It actually started the night I talked about in my last posting. After that however I've come to enjoy a daily walk whenever I can get it in. I'm pretty successful at it Sun-Thurs. I just put my iPod on shuffle and walk around untill my body decides I've walked enough for the day (this usually hit after about an hour of walking around).

These walks have been very cleansing for days where I have a lot swirling through my mind. By the time I get home I feel a little lighter than I did when I left in terms of everything on my mind.

One of the things that has been on my mind recently is my body shape. I'm very proportionally built. This is one good thing I can say about myself. I'm fairly thick all around but it doesn't seem as much because I'm big 'ol damn boobs. However, even knowing I'm not built in a funky manner, I've always though of myself as fat. Always. Disgusting body image really. It really took me a long time to ever look in the mirror and like or at least be comfortable with what I saw there. It's gotten much better recently. Predominatly more so since I've been working on being better to myself. In that I've recently decided something: Yes, I'm going to continue walking and will eventually make it to the gym. However, this is not going to be an extremist I have to lose weight sort of idea. I just want my body to be and feel healthier. Orginally I had a weight goal in mind when I set this resolution to be better to myself, but I realized when I had the revelation about wanting to be healthier that at the end of the day if I met that weight goal I'd miss my curves and my figure. Yeah it's going to change some in the process of getting healthy, but I've always been a curvy girl and I realized I don't want that to change.

So, to my knockers and the body that is proportion to them - here's a healthier outlook on us. Cheers.

You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration. - James Allen